I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
