yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
