Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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