I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
