oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
