as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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