i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
