I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
