you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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