OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
