Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
