I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
