Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
