I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
