why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
