How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
birth control should be required to get into college
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
