lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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