I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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