So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
