I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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