What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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