you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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