so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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