Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
