i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
