nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
