if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
