Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
