Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
