Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
