Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
