i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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