for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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