I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
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I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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