Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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