just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
