Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
