Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Green mimosas i think yes
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
