Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
