you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
