I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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