I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
