i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No subtext here. People are naked.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
