he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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