i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I checked into jail on foursquare
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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