dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
