I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
