did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
