i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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