Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
