I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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