Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
