yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
