We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
