I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
