I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
