I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
