I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize