My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
