guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
