UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
