By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
