you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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