Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
