I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have already put on my inside pants.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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