I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
