I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
