So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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