I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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