The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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