I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize