im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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