sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
