dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
