Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
