just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
