There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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